Suppressing a Scream
7/17/11
I think somewhere in life there’s a line between unnecessary stress and hell-yeah-you-better-be-stressing kind of stress. It’s getting pretty blurry. Maybe what I consider necessary isn’t what everyone else considers necessary.
Well, anyways, this is summer. Do you know the free/chill kind of summers you see on T.V. all the time, the ones where people go swimming everyday and frolic in green fields?.. I wish I had that. I wish I could not care about anything. That’s unrealistic though. We have college to worry about and that gargantuan pile of shiatzu that comes with it. SATS, volunteering, grades, experience, all that good stuff. Everyone expects the most from us and no one really wants to give their all. Maybe if I was motivated. If I knew what I wanted to do with my life, then this wouldn’t be such a pain in the ass… But I don’t. I have inklings. I have ideas.
I just want to sleep in, read books that I don’t have to read, paint, spend time with my boyfriend and my friends, and run. I don’t want to have to do anything. IF that makes any sense. The fact that I HAVE to do stuff takes away all the pleasure in doing things. The fact that I’m pressured into reading books to make me more intelligent, the fact that I feel an obligation to hang out with people, the fact that I have to run to look impressive for college.
I just want to do things because I choose to, not because I have to.
Should it make a difference though? It’s getting done either way. But then why am I getting so frustrated?
